


The Latest Teenage Drama

by Art3misiA



Series: Deal or No Deal Challenges 2021 [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: 90s TV shows - Freeform, Comedy, Draco is a mind healer, F/M, Growing Pains (TV), Hermione is a journalist, Teenage Drama, don't be a little shit, respect
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-27 04:15:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30117024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Art3misiA/pseuds/Art3misiA
Summary: Teenagers. Gotta love em. Teenage dramas? Not so much.Draco and Hermione navigate the perils of unwanted teenage behaviour - 90s family sitcom style.
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy
Series: Deal or No Deal Challenges 2021 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2216226
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12
Collections: DFW's Deal or No Deal: Popular 90's TV Shows





	The Latest Teenage Drama

**Author's Note:**

> I was assigned the TV show 'Growing Pains'. I have never watched it before, although I'd heard of it. So I watched a few clips to get an idea of the dynamic.
> 
> I ended up being inspired by a scene from an episode in Season 7 called, "Menage a Luke". 
> 
> Hopefully, I've successfully incorporated the theme of the show.
> 
> This piece is unbetaed, so please forgive any errors I've missed in my self-editing. Thanks to the admins of DFW for the challenge!

As Hermione approached the front door of her modest two-story home, she could hear shouting. Briefly, she considered turning around and heading back to work, or perhaps The Three Broomsticks. As tempting as either of those options were, however, it wouldn’t be fair on Draco to leave him to deal with the latest teenage drama alone.

She unlocked the door and stepped into the small entranceway, calling out, “I’m home!” She doubted anyone had heard her greeting, though, given the volume of noise that was rapidly heading in her direction.

_ “She was mine! And you stole her!” _

_ “You can’t  _ **_steal_ ** _ a person, Scorpius! don’t be ridiculous!” _

_ “You bloody well can, I had a good thing going with her before you went and interfered, you meddling cow!” _

Rose emerged from the living room, closely followed by a red-faced and scowling Scorpius.

“Oh, hi mum,” her daughter said, diverting from her previous course to give Hermione a hug. “How was work? Did you make anyone cry today?”

“Not today,” Hermione said, “But it’s only Wednesday. There’s still time.” She winked conspiratorially, and Rose laughed.

“Now, what’s all the commotion?” she continued, looking from her daughter to her stepson. “Why are you shouting at each other this time? And where’s Draco?”

“He’s popped down to the shop to get something for dinner,” Rose answered, and the same time Scorpius interjected with, “Rose interfered in my thing with Lily, and now she’s not talking to me any more!”

“That’s because you treat her like crap!” Rose snapped, turning to glare at her stepbrother.

“Treat em’ mean, keep em’ keen,” Scorpius parried. “You’re just jealous because Lily doesn’t like  _ girls.”  _

“SCORPIUS HYPERION MALFOY!” Hermione shouted. “That’s  _ quite  _ enough!”

“But, Hermione—” Scorpius whined, pouting in a way that reminded her uncannily of how his father had looked at his age when things didn’t go his way.

“Don’t you ‘but’ me, young man,” Hermione said. “Number one, you can drop that disgusting masochistic attitude to witches  _ right this instant.  _ You treat witches and anyone else with respect. You do not lead them on or play games. And secondly, never use personal attacks in an argument—”

“—but she—”

“What Rose did or said is beside the point,” Hermione continued. “Attack the argument, not the person. Otherwise, you diminish the validity of your own argument. Now, apologise to her.”

“That’s not fair!” Scorpius howled. “This whole thing is her fault! You never take my side!”

“Merlin help me, what’s the problem this time?”

The group turned to regard Draco, who was standing behind them with a small carry bag in one hand.

“Hello, darling,” Hermione said, stepping forward to kiss him on the cheek. “Just the usual, really. Scorpius was just about to apologise to Rose for using a personal attack against her during their argument.”

“Dad! Do I have to?” 

“If Hermione says you must, then yes,” Draco said sternly.

“This is  _ so  _ bad for my mental well being,” Scorpius huffed, folding his arms over his chest and looking sulkier than ever.

“I can say both personally as your father, and professionally as a mind healer, that your mental well being is in a far healthier state than many others,” Draco countered. “Get on with it.”

“Fine.” Scorpius turned and gave Rose a look of the deepest loathing. “I’m sorry I said you were just jealous because Lily doesn’t like girls.” 

_ “Even though she doesn’t.”  _ he muttered under his breath.

“Now, what is all this about?” Draco asked.

Hermione recounted what she’d managed to extract from the two teenagers, initiating a diatribe from Draco that was eerily similar to Hermione’s, and concluding in both children being sent to their rooms for what he called ‘cool down time’.

This instruction was received with very poor grace, but nevertheless Scorpius and Rose complied, leaving Draco and Hermione alone in the entranceway.

“Want to keep me company while I get dinner started?” Draco said, holding up the carry bag dangling from his hand.

“I should put my things away…” Hermione dithered, fidgeting with her satchel.

“Are you a witch, or aren’t you?” Draco said with a raised eyebrow. “You can banish them to your study, and then you won’t be tempted to revise whatever you’ve been working on today.” 

She had the good grace to feel slightly abashed. It was true - she had a terrible habit of bringing her work home with her, and getting carried away with perfecting this article or reviewing these notes. 

It never ceased to surprise everyone that she’d ended up working for  _ The Daily Prophet,  _ given the appalling way the publication had treated her and her friends while they were all at Hogwarts. But she had ended up turning the whole paper around, restoring its reputation and rebuilding its credibility as a trustworthy source of news. She’d even got Rita Skeeter fired, and it was an achievement Hermione still gloated about to this day.

“I have wine,” Draco cajoled. “You can pour for us both while we try and figure out how we’re going to stop those two from hexing each other.”

“They’ve only been home one sodding day,” Hermione grumbled as she followed him into the kitchen. “How are we going to manage for two whole weeks? Remind me again why they don’t just stay at Hogwarts during term breaks?”

“Because they’re our children and we love them,” Draco said with a sigh, placing the bag on the benchtop and waving his wand to unpack it. “Speaking of children, Hugo has gone to stay with Ron and Lav for a few days - I trust that’s alright with you?”

“Did you ask if they wanted the other two as well?” Hermione said, opening the wine and summoning two glasses.

“No, I thought that might be an unreasonable imposition. I like them far too much to subject them to two moody teenagers,” Draco quipped as he accepted the wine she offered.

Hermione snorted into her glass, then looked at him over the rim, mirth dancing in her eyes. “Draco Malfoy being unwilling to impose on someone else? Unthinkable,” she snarked.

“Careful, witch,” he growled. 

Hermione simply poked her tongue out at him, then set the vegetables Draco had just unpacked to chopping themselves; while he placed a pan on the element for the sausages.

“We do need to address Scorp’s attitude to witches,” Hermione sighed. “We can’t have him thinking they’re objects to be claimed and toyed with. It’s simply not acceptable.”

“I know,” Draco said. “The last thing I want is for him to be… well, like I was at his age. Just another spoilt, bratty, detestable Malfoy.”

“Where would he even have got such ideas?” Hermione wondered. “I mean, he must have heard it from other students, but I wouldn’t have thought he would take any notice of that talk.”

“I certainly raised him better than that,” Draco agreed. “Or, at least, I thought I did. Maybe I went wrong somewhere—”

“Don’t you dare, Draco Malfoy!”

He blinked in surprise at her fierce tone and expression. “I beg your pardon?”

“Don't you dare blame yourself for your son’s behaviour! You’ve done a fine job of raising him, and as a single father for several of those years. I won’t allow you to disparage yourself just because Scorp is acting like a typical teenager. Do I make myself clear?” Hermione fixed him with a gaze that Draco found quite frightening.

“Perfectly clear, love. And thank you.”

“So,” Hermione continued, her tone businesslike. “What do you suggest?”

“I think perhaps we wait until after dinner, then sit him down for a heart-to-heart. We can do it in my office.”

“Alright, after dinner,” Hermione agreed. She moved around the counter to kiss Draco on the cheek. “I’ll go and let our teenagers know that we’ll be eating soon.” 

* * *

Dinner had been an awkward affair, with Scorpius still sulking. He’d complained about how the sausages were cooked, the colour of the vegetables and even the dessert options (“how can we be out of chocolate sauce? It’s not fair!”)

By the time it was over, Draco was close to losing his patience with his wayward son, and privately worried about how the inevitable talk would go. He was certain it would be a disaster and nothing he or Hermione said would get through to Scorpius. Still, it was best they address the issue sooner rather than later - putting it off would only make it harder.

Once the dishes were washing themselves, Draco headed into the living room, where Scorpius was staring moodily at the telly. It was some cartoon featuring a dishevelled, drooling man in a white coat and a boy with a high-pitched voice. They appeared to be in a spaceship of some kind.

“What are you watching, Scorp?”

Silence greeted the question, and Draco was beginning to think his son intended to ignore him. But finally, he mumbled, “It’s  _ Rick and Morty.”  _

“Is it good?”

“S’alright,” Scorpius said.

“Well, I was hoping we could have a little chat. Pop into my study in about five minutes.”

Scorpius muttered darkly under his breath but didn’t argue, which Draco took as a positive sign. He made his way to the master bedroom, where Hermione was putting away some clean laundry.

He stopped a moment to watch her graceful movements as she worked. Even after all these years, she still liked to sometimes do things the Muggle way. She said she found it soothing to complete simple tasks by hand instead of using magic.

She turned, sensing his presence, and smiled at him. 

“Scorp is expected in my study in a few minutes,” he said.

Hermione nodded, put the last few items in their place, and joined him at the door. “Let’s get this over with,” she said, squaring her shoulders.

* * *

Scorpius walked slowly towards his father’s study, thinking all the while about how much his life sucked. Rose was messing with his love life, Lily wasn’t wrapped around his finger as he’d expected she would be by now, and the adults just  _ didn’t get him.  _ He felt like no one would ever understand him, and morosely wondered if anyone else’s life sucked as much as his did right now. He thought not. He would go online and DM Al later, he decided. Al would get it. His mum and dad were real hardarses.

All too soon, he arrived at the closed door of the room he had been summoned to. He sighed heavily, feeling the weight of the world on his shoulders, and knocked.

“Come in son,” came the call from within.

He turned the handle, stepped through, and glanced around the room. Hermione was there as well, as he’d expected, sitting on the sofa beside his father. They  _ always  _ teamed up whenever there was some sort of discussion to be held. They claimed it was because they wanted to avoid miscommunication and conflict, but Scorpius was quite certain they just liked playing two against one.

Without being told, he went and sat in one of the vacant armchairs. He folded his arms in defiance and scowled down at his knees, waiting for the lecture that was sure to come.

His father cleared his throat, but instead of beginning with,  _ “I’m disappointed…” _ he said, “When I was in Hogwarts, I dated Pansy before I was betrothed to Astoria.”

Scorpius, startled by the unexpected opening, looked up. “Yeah. So?” This method was out of the norm, and he began to feel suspicious, but he was also curious about where this was going. 

“I didn’t treat either of them well,” his father continued. “In fact, I treated them appallingly. I made them both cry on numerous occasions, played them off against each other, and made sure they never knew quite where they stood with me.”

“So?” Scorpius said again, shrugging his shoulders. “What’s your point?”

“I felt I was owed their adoration, and that I was entitled to treat them the way I did. I told myself that if they really cared for me, they would prove it by always remaining loyal to me, regardless of how badly I treated them - and I  _ knew  _ I was treating them badly. I was only available for them when it suited me, but I expected them to always be available to me.”

“That seems a bit much,” Scorpius said, before he could stop himself. He cursed internally - they would no doubt jump on this admission like a pair of ravenous hippogriffs. 

Hermione chimed in. “How do you think it made Pansy and Astoria feel, to be treated that way?”

“Pretty bad, I guess,” Scorpius admitted reluctantly.

“And I’m sure you recall your father used to use a frightful slur against me,” she continued. 

“Yeah. Called you the M-word.”

“That’s right. And it hurt me very badly,” Hermione nodded.

“I was a disrespectful, vindictive, cruel little shit,” his father said. 

Scorpius looked up in surprise to hear him speak so basely. He’d always been so proper in his speech, every word carefully enunciated and every sentence considered before it left his mouth.

“Yes, that’s right,” he continued. “You heard me correctly. I was a little shit. I didn’t respect the witches around me. It was unacceptable behaviour. And I don’t want to see you repeating my mistakes, which is why we are having this discussion now.”

_Ahh, yes. Back to our scheduled programming,_ Scorpius mused. The _"_ _I’m disappointed…”_ would no doubt follow.

“We also want you to keep the possibility of the Potters’ wrath in mind,” Hermione said. “Have you stopped to think about how Harry will react if he finds out you’ve been treating Lily badly? Or if  _ Ginny  _ finds out?”

Scorpius’ stomach did a sudden slow roll and his heart started to thump uncomfortably in his chest. He  _ hadn’t  _ thought of that. Harry was frightening, but he paled beside the spectre of Ginny. She was something else - a legend in her own right. But still… his father was duty bound to protect him. Hermione, too. He was their son, after all.

He drew himself up, trying to appear unruffled. “Yes, but… you wouldn’t let them hurt me. It wouldn’t be right.”

To his surprise and unease, his father and Hermione exchanged a look, then turned back to him, saying nothing. 

“You wouldn’t….  _ right?”  _

“Well, if you treat Lily - and all witches - with respect, you won’t have to worry about that, will you?” his father said evenly. 

“It's not right to lead witches around, hurt them, or act as if they belong to you,” Hermione said. “You might want to consider that before you let yourself be overcome by moral outrage at the idea that we might not shield you from the consequences of your actions.”

“But—” Scorpius opened his mouth, then shut it again and sighed. They’d cornered him quite effectively.

“Now, what do you think you need to do going forward?” his father prompted.

“Be nicer to Lily,” Scorpius grumbled. A glance up had him adding hurriedly, “and other witches, too.”

“And…?” Hermione said, giving him a  _ look. _

“Apologise for my behaviour,” he said, grudgingly. Then, feeling he had been punished enough, he added, “Can I go, now?”

“You may,” his father said with a small smile. 

Scorpius stood, desperate to escape. At the door, his father called him back.

“I love you, son,” he said. “We both do.” He took Hermione’s hand in his, and she smiled first at him and then at Scorpius. 

“I love you, too,” Scorpius said, and left quietly, shutting the door behind him.

Out in the hallway, he sighed, shook his head, and headed to his room. He had a letter to write, and wasn’t particularly looking forward to it.

* * *

Hermione turned to look at Draco. “Well, that went better than I had expected.”

Draco snorted and winked at her. “Oh, come on. You know perfectly well you had him as soon as you mentioned a wrathful Ginny. It was a calculated and deliberate move. A very Slytherin move, if I may be so bold as to say so.”

She smirked. “Well, the hat did consider putting me in Slytherin, blood status aside,” she said. “It said I would do well in whichever house I joined.”

“That you would have,” Draco agreed. “But if you hadn’t ended up in Gryffindor, Potter might never have succeeded, and our world would have been very different.”

“Thank goodness we’ll never have to think about such an outcome,” Hermione said. She took his face in her hands and pressed her lips to his, prolonging the kiss just long enough to trigger a warm flush of anticipation.

“I love you,” Draco said. “How would I ever manage without you?”

Hermione smiled saucily. “You can thank me later.” She got up and headed towards the door, then looked back over her shoulder. “Coming for a drink?” she asked. 

“Absolutely.” Draco stood and followed her out of the room.


End file.
